The excitement of being pregnant slipped away as a I wondered how I would break the news of my pregnancy to the department. Most of my college friends and siblings had children by now. I knew I was ready, but the challenge was the timing. For one thing, neurosurgery remains a male dominated field; very few surgery residents have children during residency.
I developed a sense of pride with every pregnant surgery resident I came across in other specialties. They were trailblazers in my mind. Before starting residency, I had planned to start a family in my research year. Unfortunately, my program went through leadership changes, which translated into curriculum changes, including no research year for myself and my co-resident. If I was to have a child, it was best done while in a residency program that knew me. I did not want to do it during a fellowship. After successfully passing my written board exam and knowing I would be a chief resident for my last two years of training, this had to be done during my fifth year. I had summoned up the courage to care less about the negative opinions of those around me.
In summer 2016, I found out I was pregnant. Did I freak out a little bit? Absolutely. I hid it from everyone at work except my co-resident. I came up with alternate reasons for my OB/GYN appointments. Why did I have to hide this much? This was not an unplanned pregnancy.
Although I was the first female resident to be pregnant in the department, I was not the first resident to conceive a child during training. Almost all the men had kids during training, and they all received accolades. I feared I would not be received in the same manner.
I was not as stealth as I thought I was though. A syncopal event helped me realize my bad habits of skipping breakfast due to time constraints and drinking minimal amounts of water prior to a case did not work while pregnant. How could I achieve the same goals without giving it away? Discussions with my mom led to a solution of drinking protein shakes prior to scrubbing into a case. This was difficult during my first trimester, due to morning sickness, but It worked nonetheless.
By my fifth month of pregnancy, I was showing. How do I break the news to the department? I decided there were key people I needed to inform. I decided to tell two of our vice chairs. They encouraged me to set a timeline on when to break the news to my resident colleagues. Let me just say I was in no rush to have this discussion with the entire resident team. With my permission, the chairman was informed. His words echo in my head till this day, “People will always have opinions, what matters is working hard and giving your best.” What a profound relief, the most important people in the program knew and were supportive. I carried about my business, I would wake up early, have a banana, round, then drink a bottle of protein shake right before scrubbing into a case. The timing of this bottle was of utmost importance. Ingested too early and it won’t last the whole case, wait too long and you miss the opportunity. In hindsight, I am sure all our attendings would have gladly given me a few minutes to gather myself prior to scrubbing in. Just thinking back to it all makes me cringe for my body. My worst rotation while pregnant was in the angio-suite. Wearing the lead was torture. Kind gestures were everywhere, including nurses placing ice-packs on my neck to cool me down. There were also some awkward moments like some attendings completely refusing to acknowledge my pregnant abdomen. Breaking the news to the resident group was not as bad as I anticipated. I announced it during a didactic session. Many congratulations filled the air. I spent the remaining months operating, being an active team player, reading and planning for baby’s arrival. I was very appreciative of my attendings and resident colleagues, who also threw me a baby shower and bought me gifts.
In April 2017, I delivered my baby. It was everything I had hoped for. I still get asked if I could do it all over, would I have a baby during training? Yes and no. No, in the sense that, the time and financial constraints of being a resident presents many challenges, including finding early morning affordable childcare, breastfeeding and maintaining milk supply. Yes, in the sense that it gave me a greater sense of purpose, challenged me to find ways to optimize my time. It made me a better person and resident.
